The top 3 things that turn me off a book

I chanced upon a blog topic today, and couldn’t resist trying this one out.

List three things that make you hurl a book across the room
faster than seeing a spider on the wall.

And in no particular order,

1. A bratty heroine
   I once read a book by Audrey Howard and had to give up because I wanted so much to smack the living daylights out of the heroine. She was a thoroughly spoilt brat, and there’s nothing lovely or redeeming about a spoilt brat if she’s not even at least witty. I don’t care if she’s drop-dead gorgeous. I don’t care if she and the hero have wild, passionate nookie. And actually, it made me think even less of the man for wanting to stay with her, which I guess was what ultimately made me give up on the whole thing.
   It’s the whole taming-of-the-shrew gambit really, but I absolutely loathe it when authors mistake “puerile” and “stroppy” for “headstrong” and “wild”. It’s also partly why I gave up on the whole Anita Blake series. Apart from the quick descent into Vampire Porn, Anita’s act-tough gig was just wearing thin on the nerves. Just shut up and do what you’re told by the 400 year old Vamp, chickie. Seriously.
2. The Huge Misunderstanding
   Covered in detail by quite a few other bloggers, it’s one of my least favourite plot devices… but Pride and Prejudice redeems it, somewhat. That, and Emma with Mr Elton and Harriet. I guess a lot of it hangs on the delivery, although I’d prefer it if it weren’t the main plotline.
3. Lies, damned lies, and the imminent “murder will out”
   Another very cringey one for me. I was trying out Georgette Heyer’s Arabella, and all was alright until Arabella, running on hurt pride and crazy adrenaline, started spinning such a stupidly obvious yarn about her non-existent riches to the hero, that I literally got nervous. I just couldn’t bear to get to the bit where her lie gets exposed, naked as a razed freshman left in the middle of a rugby field with nothing but a sock. I threw the book under the bed, and actually forgot all about it till now.

So there you go. I expect yours might be quite different.